Rape — easily one of the most despicable acts known to mankind. An act considered so despicable that the word itself often causes people to cringe. The thought of a guy strong-arming a gal, forcing her to sexually submit to him, is so repulsive that human rights campaigns have been launched around the world to protect girls and women from being raped. And even when a gal isn’t violently strong armed into performing sexual acts, but instead, coerced, intimidated, or ‘taken advantage of’ when she is not in the right mental state to consent , the word rape, the laws of rape, and the bitter denouncement of rape, are still strictly applied. In other words, it doesn’t necessarily have to be ‘violent’ (yes, I know every form of rape is considered an act of violence) for it to be considered rape. But if that is so, then why, historically, wasn’t the same rule applied to gals having sexual relations with non-consenting guys?
From 1929 until 2012, men had been blatantly left off the rape-victim list. When you add it up, that tells us more than 80 years passed from the time rape was defined by the FBI, to men being added to the definition. Why did it take so long? It could be for any number of reasons, but three of those reason would have to be: 1) men are seen as hyper-sexual, always-willing sex participants; 2) men are generally stronger than women, so it is believed they cannot be physically overtaken by a woman, and therefore cannot suffer a sexual-assault at the hands of women; 3) society couldn’t see women as sexual predators, preying on men.Women are rumored to be chaste, dignified, and averse to sex. In other words, women only sex because they have to, not because they want to.
As we all know, that crap couldn’t be further from the truth. Men can, and do, turn down sex when they don’t want it (or don’t want it from a particular person); not all men are bigger and stronger than all women, and therefore incapable of being physically overpowered by a woman; and women enjoy sex just as much as men do, although most religions try feverishly to stamp out female sexual desire. But try as they may, they will never eradicate natural, human, sexual desire. Men will crave it; women will crave it.
But in the historical failure to include men, the Invisible Victims, on the list of those who can be raped, the world has also failed to acknowledge several forms of rape which women have perpetrated historically – coercion, extortion. It doesn’t matter how big or strong women are (or aren’t), because neither of these forms of female-perpetrated rape takes much physical effort to get a man to bow his head and submit to her sexually. A 4ft-nothing girl can easily bring a 6’4 hulk to his knees with a few choice words: “I’m going to tell your wife,’ “I’m going to tell the boss,” “I’m going to tell everyone you raped me,” or “Do you want this job or not?,” are just a few choice phrases capable of getting an unwilling man to perform like an adult-movie stud on a woman’s command.
But although those are great rape tools (or sexual motivators as rapist may think of them), none of them is as easy for a woman as finding an intoxicated guy and having her way with him. It happens on a daily basis all over the world. If you’re a man who believes it could never happen to you, or if you have a male relative or friend in your life you care about, please pay close attention to the potential consequences , and long-term, life-long effect, of female-perpetrated rape. Female victims are not the only ones who suffer permanent damage when they are raped, males victims suffer just as much…or more.
While it is true that rape is traumatic for both female and male victims, the fact is, there are several advantages of being a female victim of rape, in comparison to a male victim of rape. The most glaring advantage is a woman’s right to terminate the pregnancy if she is impregnated during a rape. Men have no such right. If a man is raped by a woman, and that woman becomes pregnant as a result of her own criminal action, she is still in control of the decision to terminate the pregancy or carry the baby to term. If she decides to carry the baby to term, it opens up a whole new chapter of hell for the man. This brings on the second most glaring advantage for female victims. Not only was that man raped during an unlawful sexual act, he is now legally obligated to pay for the care of that child whether he is in the position to do so or not. His rape trauma becomes compounded by having a baby with the person who raped him, and is compounded further if he cannot support that child for the next 18 years. If he cannot support the child, guess what happens to him? Yes, you guessed it. He goes to jail for failure to pay child support. Sounds farfetched doesn’t it? It’s not. That scenario is playing out all over the world. There are men sitting in jail right now for failure to, or the inability to, pay for their rapists’ children.
If a woman decides to have a child who was conceived by rape, the world will conspire to assist her. She will receive medical care, child care assistance, food stamps if needed, government housing if needed, free counseling to help her overcome the trauma of being raped, and almost anything else she needs to keep her head above water. No matter how much she struggles to make ends meet, or even if she fails to make ends meet, she is never in jeopardy of being imprisoned, assuming she is not a violent abuser. And if things become too much for her when the baby is a new born, or years down the road, she can simply give the child up for adoption. No questions asked; no imprisonment. She can even anonymously drop of the child on the front steps of a ‘safehouse.’ Some states even have The Safely Surrendered Baby Law. Men have no such outlet. It’s pay up or lock up.
Let us know if you, or anyone you know, have been a victim of a female rapist. What were the circumstances; how did it occur? Did you ever report it or tell anyone else, whether immediately or sometime later in life? How did people react? Let us know how it impacted your life.
Invisible Victims are everywhere. They are your sons, your fathers, your brothers, your husbands, and your friends. We are here to tell their stories.
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