If he fought back, he would be seen as an abuser, but because he didn’t fight back society calls him a wuss.
What are the main reasons people fail to recognize male victims of abusive females: 1) The firmly-held-but-persistently-disproven myth that women are incapable of male-type violence; 2) the reluctance of males to admit to the verbal and/or physical abuse they’ve endured, because they feel emasculated and shameful; 3) there are very limited studies on the subject of females abusing males, although it falls under the category of domestic violence and should be studied as thoroughly as male-perpetrated violence; 4) the lack of publicity for the important and revealing studies which have been conducted on the subject.
In the professional medical community the information on female-perpetrated violence is beginning to emerge, but it is not a subject most people would like to discuss openly in the rest of society. It doesn’t fit neatly into the male-beast narrative that’s been carefully scripted and passionately delivered for centuries — men are untamable animals; women are harmless and delicate flowers. Any attempt by men to distance themselves from that narrative, or to prove that women are prone to violence just like men, is met with stern rebuke, firm denial, and charges of hatefulness towards females. But we can’t let that blowback be the last word. It doesn’t matter if people refuse to believe females can be violent, the fact is females can be violent. And to the fact, we must constantly strive to fight for all victims of violence — female victims, child victims, and of course, male victims.
Verbal abuse is abuse whether it is from a man towards a woman…or from a woman towards a man.
Whenever I get into a discussion with someone who refuses to acknowledge the potential for females to be violent, I always keep things in perspective. I make a simple statement before I decide if the conversation is worth carrying on. I look a person straight in the eye, and I say, “If you don’t tell me females are always innocent, I won’t tell you males are never guilty.” If the person can’t acknowledge that females ‘may’ be violent, why in the world would I be interested in carrying on a conversation them? Why discuss horticulture with someone who won’t even concede the simple fact that roses may have thorns?
So it’s very important that men help point out the female thorns by helping the professionals who are conducting studies on the subject. One of the most important studies being conducted is sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, and directed by Dr. Denise Hines of Clark University in Massachusetts. If we don’t assist the NIH, Dr. Hines, and other researchers, scholars, medical professionals, legal professionals, and everyone else trying to shine light on this subject, then it will always be easy for those who would like to sweep it under the rug, to do just that.
Please guys, take this anonymous survey on Partner Aggression and send this post, or the survey link, to every guy you know so they can take it as well. Remember to also send it to females who have male relatives or friends who have dealt with a violent spouse or girlfriend. Let’s help further the research being conducted by Dr. Hines. She needs more male subjects. Invisible Victims has no affiliation with Ms. Hines or her study, but many of us here have taken the survey. Some of us are just men who have dealt with aggressive intimate partners, and the hell that comes with it. We highly recommend Dr. Hines’ survey. It is very thorough and well put together.
Please note: the survey is for US residents only.
Remember, we have to speak if we are to be heard.
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