A Perfect Example Of Why People Deny The Existence of Male Victims

We had to post this to show why men routinely get a raw deal when it comes to family matters.  To set this scenario, we had responded to a woman’s Facebook post telling men they need to be fathers to their children even if they aren’t getting along with the mothers of their children.  We mentioned that women need to shoulder the blame sometimes because there are plenty of fathers who desperately want relationships with their children, but who are purposely run out of their children’s lives by the mothers.  We also mentioned that simply telling men to ‘man up’ is not a sufficient remedy.  To that commentary, we got the angry response below from a ‘man’ named Avery.  His response typifies why things never change.  Our response to Avery is posted below his comments.

AVERY’S‘ ANGRY COMMENTS TO US:

I dont know who you are, and neither do i care. But before you add anymore of my family members you need to come CORRECT. You cant stand up for “baby daddies” who dont take care of there responsibilities. A father consist of WAY more than every other weekend visit. A father buys, diapers, wipes, milk and clothes without being made to do so. A father is there for his child even when him and the mother disagree. A father puts his childs needs before himself. So again COME CORRECT. I dont know who you are trying to be invisible Victims group. But then again who cares.

OUR RESPONSE TO AVERY:

Avery, you are typical. You have those same repetitive sayings down pat, “Come correct,’ ‘Baby daddies,’ ‘a father is there for his child even when him and the mother disagree.’ Those quotes have been spat out with such frequency that they flow from the mouth without much thought, and without ever listening to the voices of everyone involved in these situations. No one, especially not anyone here, is denying the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. But when will the world ever pause to consider the plight of men who BEG to see, and have a relationship, with their children, far beyond the weekend visits and occasional phone calls, and purchasing of diapers, but are prevented from doing so by the mothers of their children, who purposely try to sever those father-child relationships.

Men all around the world are fighting this fight everyday. So, would you be so naive as to say these tragedies don’t exist on a large scale? Come to think of it, you probably would because you don’t, or won’t, see it. Many people choose to turn a blind eye to this heinous, but all too real, scenario. These grotesque assaults on fathers’ rights seems to only matter to the men, and the families of those men, who are being denied relationships with their children.

Where your anger towards me, or Invisible Victims, stems from, is a mystery to me. To admit one type of real scenario exist (men being denied relationships with their children), in no way negates another type of real scenario (men who don’t want a relationship), anymore than the FACT that men are often falsely accused of sexual assault, would ever negate the FACT that there are real sexual assaults occurring everyday. And you know what? The falsely accused man, and the actual assault victim, are both victims. To admit there can be a different type of victim in a different type of scenario, is a reality that these mickey mouse quotes people like to sling around, don’t even begin to address.

So yes, there are victims out there, Invisible Victims, who the general public refuses to see as victims, simply because of gender. And all your shallow thoughts, your lack of keen insight, your pre-programmed, always-blame-the-guy sayings, and your lack of empathy for ALL victims, is sad. And while you’re spouting off at the mouth, telling men they need to be fathers to their children, just realize there are millions of men around the world, crying their hearts out, begging to do just that.

As you clearly professed in your opening line, you don’t know who we are, “and neither do (you) care.” That’s a shame. However, your closing lines, ” I dont know who you are trying to be invisible Victims group. But then again who cares,” is just plain pitiful. I’ll tell you who cares: the children who are denied meaningful relationships with their fathers; the fathers who are denied meaningful relationships with their children; and the family members who love those victimized men and their children.

I truly hope you are never victimized in the manner that you so readily dismiss; I hope you develop greater intuitiveness, and learn to see the victims which are often right in front of your face, regardless of their gender; I hope someday you gain the courage to wade into the deeper end of the pool. I hope you learn to…COME CORRECT.

P.S. Regarding your family members, if they want to remain blind like you, they can easily deny friend request. But if they have sons, fathers, brothers, other male relatives, or male friends, they care about, then simply denying that they can also be victims, is doing them a disservice. If they don’t listen now, it may be too late when they are actually victimized.

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NIH and Prof. Denise Hines’ critical study on male victims of (female) Partner Aggression

If he fought back, he would be seen as an abuser, but because he didn’t fight back society calls him a wuss.

What are the main reasons people fail to recognize male victims of abusive females:  1)  The firmly-held-but-persistently-disproven myth that women are incapable of male-type violence; 2)  the reluctance of males to admit to the verbal and/or physical abuse they’ve endured, because they feel emasculated and shameful; 3)  there are very limited studies on the subject of females abusing males, although it falls under the category of domestic violence and should be studied as thoroughly as male-perpetrated violence; 4)  the lack of publicity for the important and revealing studies which have been conducted on the subject.

In the professional medical community the information on female-perpetrated violence is beginning to emerge, but  it is not a subject most people would like to discuss openly in the rest of society.  It doesn’t fit neatly into the male-beast narrative that’s been carefully scripted and passionately delivered for centuries — men are untamable animals; women are harmless and delicate flowers.  Any attempt by men to distance themselves from that narrative, or to prove that women are prone to violence just like men, is met with stern rebuke, firm denial, and charges of hatefulness towards females.  But we can’t let that blowback be the last word.  It doesn’t matter if people refuse to believe females can be violent, the fact is females can be violent.   And to the fact, we must constantly strive to fight for all victims of violence — female victims, child victims, and of course, male victims.

Verbal abuse is abuse whether it is from a man towards a woman…or from a woman towards a man.

Whenever I get into a discussion with someone who refuses to acknowledge the potential for females to be violent, I always keep things in perspective.  I make a simple statement before I decide if the conversation is worth carrying on.  I look a person straight in the eye, and I say, “If you don’t tell me females are always innocent, I won’t tell you males are never guilty.”  If the person can’t acknowledge that females ‘may’ be violent, why in the world would I be interested in carrying on a conversation them?  Why discuss horticulture with someone who won’t even concede the simple fact that roses may have thorns? 

So it’s very important that men help point out the female thorns by helping the professionals who are conducting studies on the subject.  One of the most important studies being conducted is sponsored by the National Institutes of Health, and directed by Dr. Denise Hines of Clark University in Massachusetts.  If we don’t assist the NIH, Dr. Hines, and other researchers, scholars, medical professionals, legal professionals, and everyone else trying to shine light on this subject, then it will always be easy for those who would like to sweep it under the rug, to do just that.

Please guys, take this anonymous survey on Partner Aggression  and send this post, or the survey link, to every guy you know so they can take it as well.  Remember to also send it to females who have male relatives or friends who have dealt with a violent spouse or girlfriend.   Let’s help further the research being conducted by Dr. Hines.   She needs more male subjects.  Invisible Victims has no affiliation with Ms. Hines or her study, but many of us here have taken the survey.   Some of us are just men who have dealt with aggressive intimate partners, and the hell that comes with it.  We highly recommend Dr. Hines’ survey.  It is very thorough and well put together.  

Please note:  the survey is for US residents only.

Remember, we have to speak if we are to be heard.

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YOUR SON COULD BE AN INVISIBLE VICTIM

Yes, men feel pain too

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Do you know an Invisible Victim?  Maybe..maybe not?  I guess you need to figure out what an Invisible Victim is before you answer that question. An Invisible Victim can be one of many things:

• A male who has been falsely accused of a sexual crime.
• A male who has gotten suspended from school, lost his job, reputation, or part of his soul as a result of a false allegation.
• A male who is suffering through a degrading, verbally and/or physically abusive relationship.
• A male who has been falsely accused of physical violence against a female.
• A male who has been arrested because he defended himself against a violent female.
• A male who has suffered the wrath of a jealous, vindictive ex.
• A father who has restricted access to his children, because the mother of the children uses her ‘motherly’ power position as a tool for revenge.
• A male who has suffered depression, anxiety, or extreme emotional distress, from being deprived of his children, of from enduring abusive from an abusive female.
• A father who was treated unfairly by the courts in a divorce/child custody battle
• A male who has been raped by a female but no one listened.
• A male who is paying child support to woman who trapped him, or who was impregnated when she sexually assaulted him through intoxication, or through coercion
• Your son, your father, your brother, your grandfather, your uncle, your friend, or any other guy you know who has been dismissed  by the world, which has turned a deaf ear to him, thus rendering him invisible.

There isn’t a less-sympathetic victim on the planet than a male victim.  And yes, males can be victims.  There are plenty of males, of all ages, in every strata of society, who are dealing with some of the issues mentioned above.    Unfortunately, it’s rare that a male is given the benefit of the doubt in any of these gender-related conflicts. That’s not to say that a female should be frowned upon or dismissed when conflict or allegations arise, but it seems pertinent that we work towards a system which doesn’t drag a potentially-innocent man through the mud. For instance, if a woman brings forth a sexual-assult allegation against a man, it ‘must’ be investigated…it must be.  Males understand that, because that female could be their daughter, their mother, their sister, etc.  But it must also be understood that females are human, and like other humans, they often lie for a variety of reasons.  Males lie, females lie, adults lie, children lie…PEOPLE LIE.  Some lies are simple; some are life altering.  It’s the life-altering lies of which we must be conscious.

People lie because they are scared; people lie because they are angry; people lie because they are embarrased or humiliated; people lie because they want attention.   Females are not exempted from lying.  It is with this fact that we must seek a better way to treat males when it comes to accusations.  We can’t just throw them in the fire and watch them burn, then try to snuff out the fire and send them on their way when we find out they’ve done no wrong.  Because when it is all said and done, you can put out the fire but you can’t necessarily heal the burns.  The burn is forever.

So let’s see what we can do to help the Invisible Victims, one of those segments of society with no sympathy or public support.  If you are an Invisible Victim or know an Invisible Victim, let us know. Post a message, suggestion, gripe, or anything else you feel would be valuable.  I want to hear from men and women, from both sides of the debate.  Without engaging each other, and without having competent, worthwhile discussions, we will never move forward.  Let’s move forward!

Is this your son, father, or brother?

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